Ms Anonymous letter is my first letter from someone who is really anonymous to me. LOL. Yes, I know every single one in all my previous “Dear Sis B”.
Dear Sis B, Why God seems to be unfair? What’s wrong with me?
Ms Anonymous is like many of us, ladies, experiencing heartbreak upon heartbreaks. But I am not only referring to heartbreaks from romantic relationships only but also heartbreak from work, heartbreak from church ministries, heartbreak from family and friends.
Were we not told that only people we love can hurt us? So, the moment we decide to love, we also open our hearts to heartbreak. We love our work, our church ministries, our family and friends and so they can also bring heartbreak to us. Ms Anonymous even opened herself to heartbreak with God’s seemingly unfairness to her.
I’ve my taste of series of heartbreaks (maybe, one of these days, I will share stories of all of it). At that time when I could hardly move my fingers after a 7-hour-surgery, at that time I could hardly recognize my sister out from anesthesia, at that time when I’m inside the MIR scanner for 2 long hours to check for further growth of tumour around my body, at that time when I’m folding a bloodied short pants of a loved – one when I thought I have been sincerely and passionately serving the Lord and meeting Him in my prayer time, I never ever dared told Him that He is unfair to me. Because He was never, He is never and will never be.
To go through consecutive surgeries because of recurrent tumour while I was actively loving the Lord and to experience injustice in family when all my life, my parents loved that “salot”/pestilence (as what a netizen called him in one of my FB posts) so dearly were moments of immeasurable deep sufferings. But, in my heart no amount of what I’ve suffered could cause me to doubt God’s love for me. No amount of people’s lack of compassion, self-righteousness, lack of kindness and injustice could make me dare tell God in His face “You are so unfair. Avenge for me to prove your fairness.”
I could only brought those moments of loses to the Lord. Simply because of my lack of understanding of why these are things happening to me.
And in my abandon of all those heartbreaks to the hands of the Lord that I was able to gather my life back to pieces.
Five years after my surgery, my oncologist declared me to be free from any malignant tumour (growth), I can peacefully rest at night, and while I was given the opportunity, too, to be back at school, I had the opportunity to own a small property. While, we work on filing our case, my family got the chance of building a nightly rosary together, wherever we may be of the part of the world. We are getting there. These are, but, results of surrender.
What I am saying here, Sisters, in regard of heartbreaks, let’s not just move on from heartbreak but rise from it. When we abandon our heartbreaks to the Lord, our God, He does not waste anything and uses it for His glory.
When we say for His glory, it is for the fullness of our lives.
There is life after each heartbreak when we let the Redeemer, the Restorer handles it.
Dearest Father In Heaven
I love you with all my heart, with all my scars, with all that I went through. I won’t go to the next chapter of my life without You.
I believe You have a purpose in my life and You will not waste all of my sorrows. I abandon every single sorrow I have in my heart. You can handle it because Jesus, You Son, went through all of it and overcame and rose from death.
Amen.
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The Chronicles of Benia