When I was serving single people as a single person myself, I gathered pearls. Intuitively.
Let me draw it with words how that looked.
For years of serving my fellow singles, I felt I was looking at the aquarium as a fellow fish from another aquarium adjacent to the bigger aquarium they were in. As I swum and dived into their aquarium, I looked for “avenues” that will lead them to find the light or their purpose of their swimming.
Well, I would never claim that I have fully understood by that time the purpose of my own swimming and not to mention why I am a fish and not a Goddess. (Although, at times, in my own aquarium I am one. Char!) But as I swum with them, I came to understand my purpose and the stuff I made of.
When my swimming was done and I returned to my own aquarium, I brought with me things I have observed then pondered on those. I considered all of those observations as my rocks and sands and as I pondered, those became my lessons or what I considered as my pearls.
(The interest to observe, just like a lot of people, is a part of my nature and my training as a Chemist. On that being a Chemist is just a guess, I guess. Most of the time, things that got my attention just sticked to me without me gathering for it. I felt like I have a paper written on my forehead “I am not busy. Let me think on you.” That kind of thing. )
Ahh the pearls I gathered in my service, I would like to share now.
- Girls have identity banks.
Ladies have identity banks. If they don’t have it at an earlier age, they would struggle with an array of insecurities going to adulthood.
Most of the ladies, if not all that I came in contact in deep waters of my swimming who are confident by who they are with their skills, with their flaws, with their strength, with their talents, with their beauty are ladies who have received “good words” from the head authority in the family. It can be from their father, from their mother, from grandparent or aunt. That good words by people they look up to in family are sacred and became in what I call “identity banks”. Not all good words can be deposited into this bank but only people they look-up to. I mean, we. Our confidence as ladies are drawn from the words and thoughts deposited by people we look up to in our earlier lives.
I came to know a very young woman who braved deep criticisms for her communication but never bowed lower to any one of those, because it has been placed in her head what her father told her every since she was young, that she is beautiful and smart. Long before she went through criticisms, I knew that she has a strong sense of a loving father. During dating, that idea has become an apparent source of her command to her admirers.
There were ladies who are all beauty and brains but truth has not been revealed to their awareness. And this was where I always sensed God’s prompting as their spiritual leader in their young adult life to be mouthpiece of God and build their “identity banks” as to how the Lord sees and created them.
I used to blame the communication style of parents or people who reared women for not making them confident, until I was drawn out from my little aquarium and was thrown into aquarium of younger fishes. Thank the Lord,
2. Confident girls have “translating” skills.
When I swum with younger fishes, I realized, it is an easy excuse to blame parents for their children’s array of insecurities. What the fish! That does not seem right. Parents are human beings, too, and are imperfect.
I have seen single people thoroughly, carefully and painfully reared by parents and still was in misery of insecurities. How could that be?
As I swum ever deeper and longer, I realized that my lungs are more capable to hold more oxygen after a number of years of “swimming” and “diving” with different fishes.
Confident ladies do not necessarily have heard the exact defining “good” words from the authority figure of the family but have translated their ways to be such. I called it as “translating skills”
The confident ladies are aware of the hardwork and good gestures, such as bringing them to parks, sending them to school, providing physical security by the people they looked up to and those translations got deposited in their identity banks as “You are valuable. You have worth”
I observed that “translating skills” are inherent to both men and ladies but have to be discovered and be practiced through formation of personal insights and expressing it. Insights can be developed in school, through friends not necessarily in home. I came to know someone who was never allowed to reason out by her parents at home, however, at school, teachers encouraged her and poured all her reasoning skills in a debating team. She is one of those women I came to know who is blessed to possess such a “translating skills.”
Girls should be thought or trained to develop her “translating skills” by encouraging her to form personal insights and allowing her to express that insight.
I am more to think this way “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” Col 3:21
2. The challenge was NOT sisters are strong. Sisters are overly submissive.
(Please hold your thoughts. This is to be continued…)